A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s because she changes it more often.
Today I watched my dog eat her own poop with disgust. Not, she wasn’t disgusted, I was. I turned to my wife and said, “See hon, that’s the reason why I wouldn’t let a dog lick my face or kiss me like some dog owners do.” She replied by telling me that the dog was probably hungry as we hadn’t fed her for a long time. “Well you don’t feed me for a long time sometimes but you don’t see me eating my crap.” Was my smart comeback.
So is it just in my head or are every guy in my workplace suffering from diarrhea? Why? Well every time I am in a stall, just sitting there texting or blogging, taking a break from my desk, the person in the next stall always sound like they are dying while giving birth! I never knew the human anus could produce such unearthly sounds!
Know what I do when that happens? I peer under the divider (yes I know, creepy) to see what shoes they are wearing so I could identify the poor diarrhea-stricken fella if I see him walking the hallways. Maybe I could recommend a stool hardener or something. Anything. No luck so far but then I haven’t been trying too hard.
I would he embarrassed as hell if I made those sounds while in earshot. It seems as though they are oblivious to my presence. I wonder, could it very well be the same person?
I love Christmas. It’s my favorite time of year. I love it so much that the rest of the year is basically a build up to the BIG day. The days immediately following Christmas can be very depressing. It’s like I had this big rush. Parties, drinking, friends coming by, laughter and fun. Then bam! it’s all back to square one. Real life sets in. Back to the grind. No excuses. People who were nice to you are now serious. No Hi no Hello. No wonder I’m sad!
Isn’t Thanksgiving awesome? We get to take say how thankful we are for stuff and people and then top it off by posting pics of our lavish turkey thanksgiving dinners. Nice! Sensitivity classes would be welcome here. How about those poor saps waiting in line at the soup kitchen for a bite to eat? Instagram that!
Not too long ago back in my day, guys didn’t cut their dicks off and become women. Women didn’t sew up their vaginas to become men. I never heard of women divorcing their husbands so they could live as men. Men were men and women were women. Boys played with cars and trucks and girls were quite happy to play with their barbies and rag dolls. They never complained that it was sexist. In fact I never heard the word. Women were happy to be treated like the weaker sex and allowed men to open doors for them.
Things were so much simpler back in my day.
Why do women go out and buy the shortest skirt they could find then when they wear it they spend all their time trying to make it longer? Makes no sense to me whatsoever. It’s like me having a circumcision then keep trying to pull my foreskin back over my…never mind, you got my drift.
Trending: Kim Kardishan nude pics leaked online. Are you kidding me? Are you trying to tell me that there are actually some who haven’t seen this over-hyped woman naked? After all, isn’t that the way she catapulted into fame? By ‘leaking’?
I just found out that a new set of celebrity personal pics were leaked online. Everyone is entitled to some form of privacy, yes even celebs. (By the way, some of these people, I never would have guessed in a 1000 years that they would…ah nevermind).
Rihanna and Kim, to name are few, have naked pics and videos littering the web like a dirty back lane. Crying that they were subjected to a leak is like me running out of the pool because it’s raining. They can’t fool me!
For those like my girl Gabriele Union, I feel for them. Here’s an innocent and wholesome black beauty, just taking some sexy pics for her man, only to have it shared with pervs.
And to you people who are infiltrating these cell phones, please, please, no more Kim! Or Riri, Or Paris. Actually, no more pics period!